Category Archives: So wrong

Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Madeline,

Thank you for your inquiry. As per your notification, please be advised that Ciclón – Tequila Spiked Rum has been discontinued in the United States as of January 2008, due to varying consumer tastes preferences and legal restrictions.

We would also like to take this opportunity to thank you for your valued patronage.

Best Regards,

Roseann Brown
Consumer Services Department
Bacardi USA., Inc.

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Filed under Alcohol, So wrong

Like a hurricane swept through my soul

ciclon1

Last week, my husband gave me some very bad news. After he told me, I had to lean against a wall for support. My face was ashen, and I couldn’t speak.

Liquor stores in Washington state have stopped carrying Ciclón.

Ciclón is Bacardi rum flavored with tequila and lime. It may sound gross, but it is DELICIOUS and has been my rum of choice for the last five or six years. Actually it goes beyond rum–Ciclón is my hands down, favorite, go-to liquor. When I want a drink, I want a Ciclón and Coke on the rocks, thank you very much.

When my husband and I were dating and we took our first trip together to Canada, what did we drink in our hotel room? Ciclón.

During my bachelorette party in Las Vegas, what was I drinking? Ciclón.

When I chose to bring my own alcohol to a bar in a Ziplock bag, what was it? Ciclón. (Yeah, I know, pretty ghetto.)

When I finally saw Prince in concert, what was I drinking? Ciclon.

When I was pregnant, what food did I miss the most? Ciclón. (Well, it probably was technically a tie with sushi, but man, I did miss it.)

There are five liquor stores in Washington state that still carry Ciclón but they are all very far away from Seattle, where I live. I searched online liquor stores to no avail.

I sent a impassioned plea to whoever manages the (ridiculous) Ciclón Web site saying that I now live in a Ciclón-dry state and that I needed immediate help locating some Ciclón. And, I had to know: was it true that Bacardi that was discontinuing my beloved amber elixir?!

I got this in reply:

dawg

This does not bode well.

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Filed under Alcohol, So wrong

More than I could chew

I decided to tackle three of my food resolutions and (hopefully) make some good food in the process.

When I did a roll call of the contents of my freezer, I discovered kielbasa among the frozen meats. And a thorough inspection of my cupboards brought forth (among other things) Zatarain’s rice mix.

These were the two main ingredients in a tasty Real Simple recipe for jambalaya that I had made a few years ago.

In the spirit of my resolution to rely less on recipes, I winged it and cooked the jambalaya on my own. First I browned the kielbasa. Then I added the rice mix and a 28 ounce can of whole tomatoes. I brought the mixture to a boil, reduced it to a simmer and put a lid on it for 25 minutes. At the end, I added some raw shrimp and heated everything through.

The result was this:
jambalaya

It turned out to be one of the worst dishes I have ever made! The main reason was because instead of using a jambalaya rice mix, I used a red beans and rice mix. I realized I had the wrong mix while I was browning the kielbasa but decided to move forward anyway.

The flavors in the red beans and rice mix didn’t complement the spicy kielbasa or the can of whole tomatoes that went into the dish. Instead, there was an all-out flavor war that resulted in nothing but an awful bitterness.

In making the jambalaya, I also managed to pull off a raw food hat trick: the beans, rice and shrimp weren’t fully cooked. There were a couple of things going on here. I didn’t put enough liquid in the pot to thoroughly cook the rice and beans. The liquid from the can of tomatoes would have cooked a jambalaya rice mix just fine, but the addition of the beans required extra liquid.

When it was time to add the shrimp, I didn’t think that the rice and beans looked done, but I decided to go ahead and throw in the shrimp. I thought the heat of the rice would cook the shrimp so I turned off the burner because I didn’t want the rice to burn. Wrong move. The pot needed to stay on low heat.

As bad as the jambalaya was, I couldn’t bear to throw it out because I hate wasting food. I brought it to work for lunch one day but couldn’t down more than three bites. I brought the leftovers home, fully intending to throw them out. But somehow they made it back into the fridge.

My husband ate the leftovers and told me–with a straight face– that the flavors had improved over the course of a few days.

Lessons learned:
1. I need to make sure I have the right ingredients before I start cooking.
2. I should trust my food instincts.
3. Some food cannot and should not be saved.
4. My husband is a saint.

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Filed under Food resolutions 2009, Savory, So wrong

When cakes go wrong

I recently attended a first birthday party where the cake read, “Happy 1th birthday!”

But this mistake is nothing compared to this completely NON-age appropriate cake for “Lil Derrick” that I saw on Cake Wrecks. This is for a 4-year-old!

happy4th1

Did they play pimp slap the donkey at this party?

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Filed under So wrong, Sweet

This just seems wrong to me

ginger-family

Gingerbread men should not be married with kids.

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Filed under So wrong, Sweet

I’ll have what’s she having

Gymnast and Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson is the epitome of wholesome. Is she the victim of a clueless production team who made this commercial or a sly copywriter? Or do I have a sick mind? You be the judge. Thanks to Lynn for sending me this video (I think).

Reference for the title of this post. Still funny after all these years, and mmmm, Katz Deli… Warning: contains not safe for work content.

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Filed under So wrong

Two great tastes that DON’T taste great together

When I read about a cheeseburger topped with pastrami, I knew I had to visit a Crown Burgers location in Salt Lake City. I love both cheeseburgers and pastrami and was eager to try the two together.

Well, the title of this post probably gave it away, but alas, Crown Burgers’s signature sandwich didn’t live up to my expectations. I expected the saltiness of the pastrami to bring out the flavor of the beef, but the two just overwhelmed each other.

I do like knowing that something as ridiculous as a pastrami cheeseburger exists in the world.

Crown Burgers introduced me to another new taste. I never knew regional foods included condiments until I encountered Utah’s beloved fry sauce. To me, it was merely glorified Thousand Island dressing, but to each his own, right?

I don’t even want to think what was going on in my arteries that night.

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Filed under Reviews, Savory, So wrong, Travel